


The Fear of Flying

by prince_yoongi



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-19 03:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9415976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prince_yoongi/pseuds/prince_yoongi
Summary: [AU where Yuuri and Victor meet on the plane to the Grand Prix Final instead of the banquet] Yuuri was supposed to meet Victor at the Grand Prix Final. He wasn’t supposed to meet him on the plane ride there. Yuuri wasn’t supposed to lie about who he was. And Victor certainly wasn’t supposed to give him his phone number.





	1. The Fear of Flying

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I have no idea where the GPF was the in the first episode so I just said it was in Barcelona.
> 
> Edit~ Okay I know it's been almost a year since I posted this, but I've decided to finally work on part two. I'm going to go through an edit chapter one because 1. my writing has improved a bit since I wrote this and 2. it will help me get in the right mind set for writing the second part of this. So hopefully I will have part one edited within the next few days, and then I will resume working on part two! So sorry I made you all wait so long!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am actually working on a part two for this! Like for real this time, I promise lol. I hope to have it up within the next two weeks? Wish me luck !

The moment I stepped on the plane, everything suddenly became real to me. I was going to the Grand Prix Final. I had worked so hard for so long and it was finally paying off. I made it. This was my dream for as long as I could remember. I was going to be skating on the same ice as Victor Nikiforov. He had been my idol for years, and I always looked up to him. Now we were almost equals, and I couldn't believe it. My dream was about to become a reality.

I made my way down the aisle while glancing at my ticket, trying to find my seat. My parents were so proud that I had qualified for the Grand Prix Final that they splurged and bought me a first-class ticket as a surprise. I tried to tell them that it wasn't necessary, but they insisted. I must admit though, I felt a bit out of place in first class. Most everyone was well dressed, and there I was with my bed head and blue hoodie. I kept my head down until I found my seat. After quickly shoving my bag into the overhead area I sat down. 

My body was a mess of excitement and nervousness. I was nervous of two things, messing up at the Grand Prix and plane ride. I had never been fond of riding in airplane. They terrified me. I don't know if it was the enclosed spaces or the fact that once we took off there was no way to exit, but I had always been afraid of flying. I'd made myself get used to it over the years, having to fly to multiple skating competitions, but today I was especially scared. It might've been because of the added nervousness about the Grand Prix that was making it worse, but I already felt like I was going throw up and we hadn't even left the ground yet. I leaned my head against the cool window and closed my eyes, trying to tune out the hum of people around me. Maybe if I could fall asleep things wouldn't be so bad... 

My head felt like it was filled with cotton when I started to wake up. I had no idea how long I'd been asleep, but judging on how I felt it was a long time. As I woke up a little more I started to open my heavy eye lids and immediately saw the clouds outside my window. I felt a bolt of panic run through me as I remembered that I was on the plane. The noises around me suddenly grew louder and I felt my chest tighten. No, no, no, no, no. This was not happening today. I was not going to have an anxiety attack on this airplane. That was the last thing that I needed right now. I pinched my lips together and tried to calm myself down, but the airplane hit a rough patch in the air that made my stomach lurch. I took a few deep breaths and then blindly reached around in my carry-on bag that I'd set below the seat in front of me. I shakily pulled out the small bottle of anxiety medication that I brought with me on planes and unscrewed the cap. Only, when I tipped the bottle over into my hand nothing came out. It was empty.

"Shit" I breathed. "Shit, shit, shit" I shook it again, hoping that I was wrong. My face paled. In my haste to leave this morning I forgot to check if I had any left. My regular prescription was in my luggage, and there was no was for me to get it. Out of all the times that this had to happen, it had to be today? My eyes were draw to the window again and the panic started to set it. My pulse quickened, and everything faded away around me. I gripped the empty pill bottle tighter.

"Uh, excuse me?" I jumped. There was someone sitting in the seat next to me. I took a few deep breaths before I even bothered to look at the person. I didn't want to have an anxiety attack in front of a stranger. When I felt that I was okay enough to sit up, I turned to look at the person. It took a few seconds for it to register in my brain what I was seeing, but when it did I and felt all the blood drain out of my face. I did a double take and then made a noise that I was not proud of.

Victor.

Nikiforov.

For a moment I thought that maybe I was hallucinating. Was this really happening?

"Ah, are you... alright?" he asked in English. His accent was thick and made my heart thud loudly in my chest. It was so loud that I was afraid he was able to hear it. I was too stunned to say anything. "I'm sorry," he continued. “Do you speak English?” he asked with a look of concern. I managed to nod my head. “Oh, good. I apologize, I didn’t mean to startle you I just noticed that you-" he gestured to the empty bottle in my hand. "-is there something I can do?" I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but all that came out was.

“Y- You-” 

Victor cocked his head and flashed me a smile. "Can I... assume you know who I am then?" he scratched the back of his neck. I nodded slowly and closed my mouth. Victor. Victor was here. Victor was sitting next to me. Victor was... about to see me have an anxiety attack.

"I-" my voice was unnaturally high. I could hardly breathe. I tugged on my sweatshirt to loosen it around my neck, still staring at Victor. Great. He probably thought I was crazy. "Sorry" I squeaked out. I ducked my head back down, my face burning in embarrassment. I couldn't believe this was happening. And in front of him, of all people. It was embarrassing enough to have an anxiety attack in front of a stranger, but in front of your idol? 

I put my head between my knees and tried to focus on my breathing. I found that it was kind of hard to focus on anything with him sitting next to me. "Fuck" I groaned under my breath.

"Are you okay?" Victor asked again. I bit my lip and then shook my head ‘no.’ "Is there something I can do?" he sounded genuinely concerned. Although I'm sure most people would be concerned in this situation.

"I... just-" my eyes were starting to fill up with tears. I was not about to cry in front of him. "-water?" my voice was barely audible, but somehow Victor managed to hear it. He flagged down one of the flight attendants.

"Here," he tapped my arm gently. "I've got you water" I rubbed my eyes frantically to make sure there were no tears in them before I sat up. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye as I took the water. My hands were shaking so much as I tried to get the lid off that when I did, water splashed all over myself and Victor. I gasped and stared at the water dripping off his leg in horror.

"Ah! I- I am so sorry!" I put my hand out to brush it off and then realized that I was about to touch his thigh and froze. "Gah!" I didn't know what to do. 

Then Victor started laughing.

It was the most amazing sound I'd ever heard. He was pinching his lips together and trying desperately to cover it up, but there was no mistaking it. He was laughing at me. I felt my face burn with embarrassment. This was the most mortifying thing that had ever happened to me. He must think that I'm the biggest idiot ever.

"I'm sorry" Victor said when he finally gained control of himself. "But you're so cute I couldn't help myself" I blushed deeply. He... thought I was cute? I realized that my hand was still hovering over his lap, and I pulled it away. I lifted the water bottle to my lips so that I would look away from him. I gulped half of it down as Victor mopped up the water on his pants with a towel that the flight attendant handed him.  
By this point my heartbeat had slowed down considerably but I still felt hot, though I was sure it was more from the embarrassment than anything else. I crinkled the mostly empty bottle in my head in an attempt to not look at either the window, or Victor. I could feel him staring at me. "Are you alright now?" he asked curiously. I kept my eyes down.

"Uh, I think so. Yes," I said quietly. "Thank you" he leaned closer to me.

"You know, I used to fear flying too" he said in a soft voice. I closed my eyes. I could feel his breath on my face. It was warm. "But don't tell anyone that" I felt him lean back into his seat. "I like people to think of me as fearless" he said proudly.

"You like lying to them?" I asked, turning my head slightly so I could see him out of the corner of my eye. He blinked in surprise.

"Ah, what?" I pinched my lips together and looked away. "No! That's not what I meant!" A laugh escaped my lips. Victor got a confused look on his face, though he was smiling. "What is your name?" he asked. My laughter quickly stopped. "It's a bit unfair that you already know mine" I hesitated. In all of that I forgot what I was here for. That I was headed to the Grand Prix Final, where he was headed as well.   
I’d dreamt of meeting Victor all my life, and this was not the way it was supposed to go. He was supposed to see me skate. To see me as an equal on the ice, not as a sniveling boy who spilt water on him. But that was what happened. A part of me hoped that maybe he would forget about me once we got off the plane, but a bigger part of me selfishly wanted him to remember even though it was embarrassing. At least he’d remember me.

"Y- Yuuri" I stuttered after debating it in my head for too long. "Katsuki Yuuri" Victor’s smile widened. I panicked for a minute, thinking that he figured out who I was. 

"Yuuri" he repeated. "I know a Yuri" he stated. My heart sank. 

"Yuri Plisetsky" I said. Victor beamed.

"Yes!" he leaned elbow on the armrest that separated our seats, making himself more comfortable. "So, you know a bit about other figure skaters then?" he asked. That was an understatement.

"Um, yes" I still couldn't look at him. Being this close to him made me feel flustered. His hair fell into his eyes and I had to resist the urge to brush it away.

"So, are you headed to the Grand Prix Final?" he asked. I nodded. "Me too! Obviously." he laughed. I laughed with him weakly. "Is this your first time?” he asked. I told him that it was. “Well I hope you have a good time! It's quite fun" So he really didn't know who I was. I felt an odd mixture of relief and disappointment. I wasn’t good enough for him to know who I was, but maybe that meant he wouldn’t remember me when we got to the Grand Prix. "I hope that you'll be cheering for me" his face dipped closer to mine. Only slightly, but it felt like our faces were only inches apart. I gulped. Was he... flirting with me? No, this was just his personality. He was like this all the time "Perhaps I'll blow a kiss to you from the podium" He was like this all the time, wasn’t he? My cheeks were practically on fire. How could he just say things like this?

"You're so sure that you're going to make it on the podium" I said without thinking. That wiped the flirtatious smirk right off Victor's face. He leaned away from me.

"Oh," he said in surprise. "Yes, I suppose you're right. I shouldn't be so overly confident" he leaned back in his seat and stared at the back of the chair in front of him. I hadn’t meant to say that. Of course, he was going to be on the podium. When was the last time he’d competed and not made it? "But I think I deserve to be this confident. I've won-"

"-four consecutive Grand Prix's" I said at the same time he did. Our eyes met for the first time as I finally turned to face him. I didn’t want him to think I was rude, and it was obvious that Victor wanted to continue our conversation.

"I know" I said. Victor didn't know how to reply to that. I turned away from him for a moment. Making eye contact with him for that long was not good for my health. I felt good though. I wasn’t so nervous anymore. Talking with Victor was distracting me from freaking out. I was thankful for that, but I still wished that we had met in a different way.

"So," Victor said after a beat of silence. "Yuuri, where do you live?" I fiddled with the cap of the water bottle that was still in my hands.

"Hasetsu" I said. "In Japan... but I've been in Detroit for trai- uh, school" I didn't want to tell him I'd been there for training. It was going to be awkward if he remembers me when we get the Grand Prix, though he'll probably be so busy that he won't even notice me.

"Oh! I live in St. Petersburg" he said. I already knew that, but said nothing. He would probably be freaked out by how much I knew about him. "But I have been on vacation in America for a few days" I nodded. "You said this was your first time going to the Grand Prix?" he asked. He seemed to want to be distracted just as much as I did.

"Yes" I said honestly. I had never qualified for it before, although last year I had been close. I worked nonstop this year to make it this far. My dream was finally within reach. My dream of becoming his equal.

"What hotel are you staying at?" I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at him. He chuckled and looked down. "Never mind. That's none of my business, I'm sorry" I pushed my fingertips into the water bottle, making it crinkle. Victor turned away from me. I turned my head back towards the window. I should've been relieved that he didn't try to continue the conversation, but I found myself wanting to keep talking to him. The less we talked the better the chances were that he wouldn't remember me. But there was a voice in the back of my head. It was selfish. It wanted more. More time with him, more conversation. It wanted it at any cost. So what if he recognized me at the Grand Prix Final? It would be awkward for a moment, and then we would laugh it off. The voice in my head sounded very convincing. I clenched my fists, crushing the water bottle in my hands.

"T- the hotel across from the rink" I said suddenly. I felt Victor shift next to me.

"I'm sorry?" I cleared my throat.

"I'm staying at the hotel across from the rink" I repeated. "Where the Grand Prix Final is" Victor's face brightened.

"Me too!" I smiled at him shyly. "We should do something while were there. Obviously after the Grand Prix though, everything's going to be crazy until it's over. You understand, right?" I nodded my head. I would be busy as well, but he didn't know that. "We should... get dinner sometime" he suggested. "Would you like that, Yuuri?" the way he said my name made me want to melt. I swallowed thickly. I needed to think about this rationally. He had no idea who I was. There was no way I could say yes. What was he going think when he found out who I really was? Would he be mad? I had to say no, I needed to end this before it went any further. I just wanted to talk to him more, not for him to ask me out to dinner. Yet, I found myself nodding my head.

"...Yes" Victor's eyes shined with happiness. 

“Wonderful!” he exclaimed. “How long are you staying?” he asked as he began digging around in the bag by his feet. 

“Only until the Grand Prix is over. My flight is the next morning.” I said. “Then I’m going back to visit my parents for a few days.” He paused his search.

“Oh, then I guess we won’t be able to get dinner afterwards. I’ll be occupied until the next afternoon…” I felt my heart sink. “Perhaps I’ll be able to find time in my schedule for something. I would very much like to spend time with you again before I leave” he resumed his search. His words sank into my head. He wanted to spend time with me again. He wanted to have dinner with me. 

Was… was he asking me out on a date?

Before I had time to think or freak out about it any longer he sat back up with a sharpie in hand. "I don't have anything to write on, but could you give me your number?" he asked. I took the marker out of his hand and he extended his arm to me. I raised my eye brows at him. “I, uh, don’t want to accidentally wash it off” he said with a laugh. I slowly wrote my number on his arm, careful not to smudge it, and then handed it back. I couldn't believe I was really doing this. Victor gently took my left hand and wrote his number on the underside of my wrist. My skin burned where he touched me. I started to blush again. I stared at the number for a long time, burning it into my brain. I had Victor Nikiforov’s number.

“Now, I hate having to do this, but can you make sure that no one else gets this number?” he asked. “I’m sure you won’t but it’s happened before. And I hate having to get a new one”

“O- of course!” Who would do that?

“Good!” Before either of us could say another word, there was a voice over the intercom telling us that we were about to descend. I felt my heart sink. We were about to land already? I cursed myself for wasting so much of my time with him by sleeping. 

"Oh," Victor said sadly. "We're here already? But I was having so much fun..." he pouted. I didn't reply, but instead slowly started to gather my things. Victor did the same. We idly chatted about things as the plane landed and traveled down the runway to the airport. Then, finally, it was time to get off. I’d never been so reluctant to get off a plane before.

"I'm looking forward to dinner" Victor said as he grabbed his bag and prepared to leave.

"Victor-!" I grabbed his arm just he was about to stand up. He frowned and sat back down. "I- Thank you" I said.

"For what?" he asked in confusion.

"For helping me. For calming me down. I'm... not very good on planes" he smiled softly. I swear my heart melted a little.

"Of course, Yuuri" he put his hand on mine, which was still on his arm. "I hope to see you again soon" he squeezed my hand and then he was gone.

~ ~ ~

I got to my hotel room and immediately dropped my bags and jumped onto the bed. I forgot how exhausting traveling was, getting through security and customs. I thought about just going to sleep, but instead rolled onto my back and turned on my phone. I hadn't checked it since that morning, before I got on the plane. I had a few messages from my family, wishing me luck, and a text from Phichit, my best friend, asking my what room I was in. I texted him back and then checked my social media. I felt my heart leap into my throat when I saw a post from Victor.

[ V-Nikiforov: Just landed in Barcelona for the GPF. Never thought I'd enjoy a plane ride that much ;) ]

A grin slowly spread across my face as I hugged my phone to my chest. Was he... talking about me? How had I, a person who's terrified of flying, have made his flight that good? All I'd done was mumble answers to him. What did I do to make him like me? What did Victor see in me?

"Yuuri?" I sat up straight when I heard the voice. Someone knocked on the door. "Yuuri!" I crossed the room and opened the door and saw Phichit standing outside my door. "Hey!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around me. I hugged him back. "I've missed you!" He'd been back in Thailand for the past few months training. Detroit just wasn't the same without him.

"I missed you too!" he pulled back and looked me over.

"You look like you've lost weight" he commented. "Have you been eating well?" he poked my stomach. I slapped his hands away.

"Stop it" I laughed. Phichit was always mothering me. Making sure I was eating and sleeping enough. "I've just been training a lot this year" I walked back into my room. Phichit waited in the doorway. I grabbed my glasses and began to put my shoes on. "You're like my mother, you know" Phichit grinned.

"I just worry about you sometimes. Someone has to make sure you're okay" I shrugged. It was true. Sometimes I forgot to take care of myself. More than once Phichit had come back to our apartment in Detroit and found me passed out on the floor because I had gone too long without eating properly, or had been training too hard. I'd just get so focused that I'd forget it was important to take care of myself as well. I don't think I would've survived my first few years in Detroit without him.

"How've you been?" I asked after I made sure I had all my things.

"Good! It was nice being able to practice back at home for a while. I really missed my family" he said. I smiled and ran my fingers through my hair.

"That's nice-" Phichit grabbed my arm as I started to lower it. I blinked in surprise. "Um, what are you-" he pulled my sleeve back, revealing the number that Victor had written on my wrist.

"What is this?" he asked pointedly. I blushed and pulled my arm away.

"Ah, nothing" he raised his eyebrows. "Nothing! Nothing. It's nothing" I pulled my sleeve down and started to walk faster. “There’s- it’s nothing” I didn’t think about what I was going to say to Phichit. 

"Whose number is that?" Phichit walked faster to match my pace. "Where did you get it?" I kept my eyes on the ground as I walked.

"Nowhere. It's nothing" I muttered. "It's not a big deal"

"It doesn't seem like nothing..." Phichit grinned. "Are they cute? The person who gave you their number?" I bit my lip and cleared my throat. “You’re blushing, oh my god they are cute. Where did you meet? At the airport?”

"So, um, w- where are we going to eat?" Phichit's smile widened at my sudden topic change.

"Fine. Don't tell me. But just know, I'll find out eventually. You know you can't keep secrets from me.” we were in the lobby now, and I stopped, waiting for him to decide where we were going to eat. He was right. I could never keep anything from him. He could always read my face and know what I was thinking. There was no point in even trying. "I don't really feel like going out tonight, so we can just eat at the hotel restaurant, if that's okay with you?" I sighed in relief.

"That sounds perfect" we walked over to the restaurant and were immediately seated. I glanced at my phone after we had ordered. I had gotten several texts from an unknown number while I was walking with Phichit.

_?_ Hey, Yuuri. This is Victor, from the plane.  
_?_ Victor Nikiforov.  
_?_ Um, obviously haha.  
_?_ I don't know why I specified that...  
_?_ Anyway, I just wanted to ask when you wanted to meet. One of my interviews got cancelled so I have a bit of time. Maybe we could meet tonight instead of after the GPF? 

I bit my lip to hide my smile. If Phichit looked at my face right know he would instantly know I was talking to the person who had given me their number. I quickly added Victor's number to my contacts and texted him back.

_Yuuri_ sorry im already eating dinner

I put my phone down and started talking to Phichit. I didn’t want to cancel with Victor, as this might’ve been my only chance to see him again, but there was no way I was going to ditch Phichit. We had a lot to catch up on, since we hadn't seen each other in a few months. My phone buzzed a few minutes after our food arrived.

_Victor_ What a shame. I was looking forward to seeing you again.  
_Victor_ Maybe you come for drinks with me after I eat.  
_Victor_ Or you could just come up to my room ;)

I was thankful that the room was dimly lit because my cheeks were burning. I couldn't believe he asked that. Was he suggesting what I thought he was suggesting? 

"What are you looking at?" Phichit asked. I jumped. I'd been staring at my phone for too long, wonder how the hell I was supposed to respond to that.

"Uh, nothing" I turned my phone off and dropped it in my lap.

"Is it this mystery person that wrote their number on your arm?" he asked in amusement. I pushed the food around on my plate.

"I don't know what you're talking about" I said, playing innocent. There was no way I was going to tell him that Victor freaking Nikiforov was flirting with me through text. I felt my phone vibrate as he texted me again.

_Victor_ Or we could go back to your room.  
_Victor_ But my room has a private hot-tub

I thought about it for a second, and then texted him back. I kept my phone under the table so Phichit couldn't see it.

_Yuuri_ i dont have a swimsuit

He texted back instantly.

_Victor_ You won't need one ;)

He was shameless.

_Victor_ I'm going to eat now. Tell me what you decide :) 

_Victor_ And take your time, I’m in no hurry ;)

"Well if you're not going to tell me who you met, or what you're talking about, can you at least tell me how you met?" Phichit whined. "Give me something, you're killing me here" I rolled my eyes.

"On the flight here" I said vaguely.

"You... talked to someone on the plane?" he asked in disbelief. "You weren't just passed out the whole time?" I hunched my shoulders awkwardly.

"Uh, I ran out of my meds" I explained. "So, I just fell asleep, but then I woke up and started freaking out" I shrugged. "Then we talked, and I calmed down" I glanced up at Phichit and noticed someone walking in the door. It was Christophe Giacometti. He had qualified for the Grand Prix again this year.

"How'd they calm you down? I've been trying to do that for years-" Christophe glanced at his watch and watched the door. I'd been in one other competition with Chris, but we never actually met. I wasn't very good at socializing with the other skaters. I was too nervous before skating to hang around other people. "-Hey, are you listening?" Phichit snapped his fingers in front of my face. I turned back to him.

"What?" he turned around to see what I was looking at.

"Oh, it's Chris" he started to wave at him when I gasped. Victor walked in and went straight to Chris. "Chr-!" 

"Shut up!" I hissed. Phichit looked stunned. I ducked my head. "Shit!"

"What? What's happening?" he asked in confusion. "What are you doing?" I tried to cover my face with my hands.

"I can't let him see me!" I whispered.

"Let who see you?" he started to look back again.

"Don't!" I exclaimed. "Don't look at him!"

"Why!?" I groaned in frustration.

"Just- just please don't" I pleaded. "I don't want him to see me. He can't see me" Phichit stared at the table for a minute. 

“Who Victor? Have you still not met him yet? Cause I’m sure Chris can introduce you-“

“Stop. Talking.” I hissed. 

“I don’t see what the big deal-“

“Victorwastheguyontheplane” I spit out. Phichit’s eyes widened.

“Victor was the person on the plane with you!?" he practically shouted.

"Shut! Up!" I tried to make myself smaller. "Yes!" I whispered loudly. "Victor was on the plane with me. But he doesn't know who I am!" Phichit snorted. Then he started laughing. Phichit has the loudest, most obnoxious laugh ever. I love him to death, but dear god. His laugh is not quiet. Everyone turned to look at us as he cracked up. I peeked my head up and saw Chris and Victor looking at us. I slammed my head down on the table and prayed that they would walk away. "I hate my life" I muttered to myself. "Jesus Christ" I'm sure we were a sight to see. Phichit, still dying from laughter, and me, banging my head against the table whispering profanities under my breath.

"Y- you actually..." he laughed in between each word. "Oh... my god" I grabbed his hand.

"Just, help me get out of here without him seeing" I pleaded. Phichit bit his lip and tried to control his giggles.

"Yeah, let's go out the back" I kept my head down as he pulled me through the restaurant and out the back door.

"I cannot believe this is happening" I groaned when we were alone.

"Okay, I need details. Now" Phichit demanded. I fiddled with the hem of my sweatshirt anxiously.

"I, uh, ran out of meds" I explained. Phichit watched me as I spoke. "And he asked me if something was wrong, so I looked at him and... it was him"

"Oh my god"

"Yeah, it was really embarrassing. I always thought that the first time I met him would be amazing but..."

"He calmed you down, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, but..."

"But what?" I glanced away awkwardly.

"He... doesn't exactly know who I am" Phichit frowned.

"What do you mean?" I scratched the back of my neck.

"He doesn't know I'm a skater. He thinks I'm just here to watch the Grand Prix" I admitted. "And I thought maybe he'd forget about me after the plane, and I could meet him as me eventually but-" Phichit was staring at me with wide eyes. "-he kind of asked for my number..."

"Yuuri!" he punched my arm. I winced and stepped away from him.

"What was that for!?" I exclaimed.

"For being stupid! What did you think was going to happen when he saw you skate at the Grand Prix? Did you honestly expect he was going to forget you name and face in like a day?"

"Um, maybe?" I shrugged. "I'm not really that memorable" he punched me arm again. "Ow! Stop doing that!"

"Don't say that! You're memorable. Anyone would be lucky to meet you" he said angrily. "You're amazing, Yuuri, and I'm not just saying that because I'm your best friend. No one could ever forget you. Not even Victor Nikiforov" I dropped my shoulders and crossed my arms.

"What am I going to do now?" I asked in a small voice. "Should I just tell him?" I looked up and noticed that we were almost back to my room. "Phichit, you have to help me I have no idea what to do" I said desperately. We stopped in front of my door.

"I mean, you have to tell him" Phichit leaned against the doorway as we stood there. "But I think it would be really funny if you didn't"

"Phichit, I'm serious" I whined. "Tell me what I'm supposed to do"  
"No, seriously" he put his hands up. "Think about how funny it would be if he sees you at practice. Or when you skate. You have to do that!" his eyes sparkled as he thought about it. "It's going to be so funny!"

"I can't just not tell him" I said. "Can I?" I was never good at making decisions. I unlocked my door and followed Phichit inside. He sprawled out on my bed before he said anything. I sat down at the desk chair and hugged my knees to my chest.

"I think it would be really funny if you didn't" he repeated. I glared at him. He sighed. "You should tell him. The sooner the better too, because otherwise it might get weird" I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw that I had a few texts from Victor already.

_Victor_ Had a good dinner~  
There was a picture attached of Chris and Victor in the hotel restaurant. They were both making kissy faces.

_Victor_ I know I said take your time, but have you decided yet?  
_Victor_ I miss talking to you already.  
_Victor_ Your place or mine. All you have to do is say the word ;)

I groaned. Phichit rolled over and propped himself up on his arms.

"Did he text you?" I nodded and stared at the phone, wondering what to say. Before I could type anything Phichit grabbed the phone out of my hand and started scrolling through the texts. "Jesus Christ. These texts are barely PG-13, Yuuri" I covered my face with my hands. "Oh god, he really overuses the winky face..." he paced back and forth as he read through the texts. "Wow, Skater Boy's got it bad for you" I jumped up and took my phone back from him.

"He does not. He's just like that" I argued. "He flirts with everyone"

"He's never flirted with me" Phichit said, sitting back down on the bed.

"You've met him?" I asked. He nodded.

"A couple of times. I mean, we've never really hung out, but we've talked at competitions before" I dropped back into the chair. "How have you never met him?"

"We've just never been in the same competition before" I shrugged. "I'm just unlucky I guess"

"Or you're extremely lucky" I frowned.

"How am I lucky?"

"If you had met him while skating this might not have happened" he pointed out. "He wouldn't have fallen in love with the dorky stranger on the plane" I blushed.

"He's not in love with me" I mumbled. I picked up my phone and looked at his text again. Just say the word. I debated what to do for a minute and then texted him back.

_Yuuri_ no  
_Victor_ That's not quite the word I was hoping :(  
_Yuuri_ sorry  
_Yuuri_ im getting ready for bed

"What are you telling him?" Phichit asked. I ignored him.

_Victor_ Hmm. I wish I could join you ;)  
_Yuuri_ youd like to watch me sleep?  
_Victor_ Um.  
_Victor_ That's... not what I meant.  
_Victor_ Nvm.  
_Victor_ Well I hope to see you sometime tomorrow.  
_Victor_ Sweet dreams, Yuuri :*

Phichit was reading over my shoulder. He cocked his head.

"Why don't you want to meet with him?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I can't" I shut my phone off and set it on the desk. "I don't want to tell him today" Phichit's eyes brightened.

"So, you're not going to tell him, like I suggested?" he asked in excitement.

"No," I tilted my head from side to side. "I don't know. I'm not sure what to do. I wish I hadn't given him my number" I cursed the voice in my head. "I'll tell him in the morning, before practice" I pushed my foot off the ground and rocked the chair back and forth. "He probably won't want to talk to me after that" I started to feel a sinking sensation in my stomach. I didn't want that to happen. I wished I could go back in time and done something differently. I wish I'd not given him my number, or that I'd told him who I really was. Why did I have to mess everything up?

"Well, if you're just going to sit here and wallow in self-pity..." Phichit said lightly. I blinked.

"Oh, sorry" I sat up. He shook his head with a smile.

"No, it's fine. You have a lot on your mind" he stood up. "I'm going to head back to my room. I need to get some sleep before tomorrow" he said. I stood up and followed him back to the door. "You should get some sleep too. Sitting here worrying all night is not going to help anything" my face flushed and I stared at my feet.

"I know..." he patted my arm.

"Cheer up, Yuuri. Clearly he likes you" he winked. "I'll see you in the morning" I watched as he walked out into the hall.

"Night, Phichit" After he left I took a quick shower and then collapsed onto my bed. It was already almost midnight, but I couldn't sleep. I scrolled through my social media. All the other skaters were out having fun except me. Phichit had even gone back down to the hotel bar. I felt bad that I had spent the entire evening talking about my problems, and not letting him have some fun. I scrolled some more and saw a picture of Victor sitting alone on the balcony of his hotel room. I felt myself wanting to text him. I wanted to be with him, but I knew it was a bad idea. My brain was screaming at me to just leave it alone, but he looked so lonely sitting out there by himself. Whatever part of me that wanted to text him won.

_Yuuri_ your offer still good?

He responded immediately.

_Victor_ For you? Always.  
_Victor_ Name a time and a place ;)  
_Yuuri_ your room  
_Yuuri_ ten minutes?

I started to feel a little nervous. What exactly did I think was going to happen when I got there?

_Victor_ Room 705  
_Victor_ I'll leave the door unlocked~

I searched through my bag for clothes to put on, as I'd just put on boxer briefs after my shower. After I was ready I headed up to seventh floor. I started to have second thoughts as I walked up to his door. This was not a good idea. Nothing good could come from me going into his room. But it was like that voice in my head was controlling my body. I wanted to see him so badly that I didn’t care I was lying to him. I knocked on his door, and found that it was cracked open. My heart was pounding in my chest as I pushed the door open.

"Hello?" I called. The lights were on, but I didn't see him. He must still be on the balcony. Victor's room was a mess. I don't know how he could've gotten this much stuff out in the time he was here. His bags were open, everything was spilling out of them. Clothes were scattered all over the floor and the bed. I stepped over his things as I made my way to the balcony door. It was wide open. I shivered as I stepped through. 

"Victor?" I turned my head and found him sitting on one of the lounge chairs. All he was wearing was a swimsuit, and he had a towel around his shoulders.

"Oh, Yuuri!" he said happily. He sat up and scooted over. I stayed in the doorway. "I'm glad you changed your mind" he said with a smile. "I was sad when you said you didn't want to see me" I rubbed my arms. It was freezing out here. How was he only wearing a swimsuit?

"That's not what I said" I said defensively. "I said I was going to bed" Victor smirked.

"Yet, here you are. Fully awake" I blushed and closed the door behind me. "How was your dinner?" he asked. He patted the spot next to him. I hesitantly inched over and sat down, keeping my distance from him. I   
was kind of intimidated by him. He'd been my idol since I was a kid, and now he was here. Talking to me. Or... flirting?

"Uh, it was good" I shrugged. "What about yours?" he leaned back on his arms, it took all my willpower to not stare at his bare chest. I kept my eyes glued to my hands in my lap.

"It was fine! I talked with Christophe, I haven't seen him in months" I tapped my fingers against my thigh nervously. Why did I come here? What did I hope to gain from seeing him?

"Are you two good friends?" I asked. I knew they competed together a lot, Chris was the only person who was close to beating Victor each year.

"Yes! He's a skater as wel-"

"No, I know that" I interrupted. I flushed in embarrassment. "Ah! Sorry" Victor leaned forward and tilted his head to the side. I closed my eyes.

"Hey, why are you so scared?" Victor asked quietly. "I'm not going to bite" I chewed on my lips.

"I know" I tried to control my breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in-

"Do you not want to be here?" I could hear the disappointment in his voice. "I'm sorry if it seemed like I was pressuring you to come here, that was not my intention. I’ve heard that I can be very… forward." I shook my head wildly.

"No, no, no. It's not you!" I clenched my fists. I licked my lips turned my head towards his. My eyes were still closed. I didn't have the courage to look him in the eyes. I had to tell him. I thought I could see him again, but I couldn’t keep lying to him. The longer I did, the worse it was going to be. I didn’t care how much Phichit wanted me to not tell him, I had to do it.

"You look very beautiful" Victor said in a low voice. My breathing hitched. "Yuuri, please open your eyes" I slowly opened my eyes and I found that Victor's face was inches from mine. I jerked back in surprise. Victor leaned closer. "You're so cute when you're flustered" he commented. I blushed. This isn't what was supposed to happen. I needed to tell him who I was. I needed...

I needed to stop looking into his eyes. I was starting to lose myself in them. The moonlight was reflecting off his eyes, illuminating them. They were so deep.

"I- I have to... to tell you... something" I couldn't think straight. He was messing with my head. I came here to tell him the truth... didn't I?

"Do you?" He cupped my face with his hand. "You're so cold. Your cheeks are red" he rubbed his thumb across it. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. "What do you have to tell me?" he asked. I struggled to remember what it was.

"Uh, I-" he nuzzled his face against mine. It was at that moment that my brain completely lost control. I don't know what made me do it, but I grabbed Victor's hand and pulled it off my face. I turned myself towards him and leaned in close. "Are you just going to keep teasing me?" I snapped. He blinked in surprise.

"What-?"

"Either kiss me or let me finish talking" I demanded, gesturing to his hand which was on my thigh. Victor was taken aback. My eyes widened when I realized what I had said. Where had that come from? This is not what I came here for. Right? ...Maybe I did come here for this.

"Are you sure it's okay?" he asked quietly. I nodded. My hand was still holding Victor's as he tilted his head forward and pressed his lips to mine. I froze for a minute because holy shit I was kissing Victor Nikiforov. But then I started moving my mouth against his. I put my free hand on his chest. He was so warm, though he was hardly wearing any clothes. I could feel his heart beating under my hand. I was making his heart race. This gave me a bit of courage to deepen the kiss. I slowly pushed Victor back on the chair and climbed on top of him. I don't know what was up with me today. It was like I wasn't in control of my body. We continued to kiss as I straddled him, and I found that... I wasn't so cold anymore. I was embarrassed to admit, but I had dreamed of doing this since I was a teenager. I'd spent more than a healthy amount of time fantasizing about being with Victor. Kissing him. Touching him. And now it was really happening. It was so much better than I imagined it would be.

"Victor" I whispered against his mouth. Victor moaned softly and slid his hands under my shirt. I gasped as his cold fingers caressed my back. I pushed the towel off his shoulders and wrapped my arms around his neck. "We shouldn't do this" I muttered. I wasn't thinking clearly right now.

"Give me one reason why we shouldn't" Victor kissed down my jaw to my neck.

"If we go much longer we're not going to want to stop" Victor hummed against my skin.

"Is that such a bad thing?" I was starting to wonder if it really would be such a bad thing. Victor messed with my brain too much.

"W- we have practice in the morning" I was practically panting for breath. I couldn't believe this was happening. I felt Victor's lips move down my neck to my shoulder.

"We?" he asked in amusement. My eyes widened as I realized my mistake.

"Uh," Victor lifted his head and looked at me. "Th- that's not-" I glanced away. "That's not what I meant to say" I felt myself start to blush again. Now was the perfect time to tell him. But I was afraid that if I did, he wouldn't like me anymore. That he wouldn't want to kiss me again. Did I just ruin my chance to be with Victor?

"What did you mean?" he asked. I hesitated. I had to tell him. The longer I didn't tell him, smaller the chances were that he would still want to talk to me. I sighed and slid off his lap.

"I... lied to you. Earlier, on the plane" I admitted. "I'm not going to watch the Grand Prix Final" I glanced over to see Victor's face one last time before I continued. "I'm... in the Grand Prix Final. I'm a figure skater too" I closed my eyes and braced myself for Victor's reaction. He was silent for a long moment.

"...I know, Yuuri" he said. I frowned.

"What?" he laughed loudly and then I felt he move next to me.

"I already knew who you were" he said in amusement. 

"N- no" I shook my head. "You didn't" I looked at him.

"I didn't recognize you at first, but after you told me your name I knew who you were"

"But you didn't say anything...?" he scratched the back of his neck.

"Ah, right" he smiled sheepishly. "You seemed to freak out when you thought I knew who you were, and I just wanted to calm you down, so I thought it would be better if you thought I didn't know who you were" I stared at him in disbelief.

"You let me make a fool of myself!?" I exclaimed. "You must think I'm so stupid" I covered my face with my hands. This was almost as embarrassing as what happened on the flight. I couldn't believe it. He let me think he didn't know who I was. But this whole time... "Wait, so you knew who I was this whole time?" he nodded. "And you still... flirted with me?" he smiled and stroked my face. 

"You were just so cute on the plane. I've never met someone like you before. I can't believe we've never competed together before now" he sighed. "Maybe the universe just wanted to keep us apart" I stared down at the floor.

"Or maybe it was trying to push us together..." I said under my breath.

"What was that?" he asked. I cleared my throat and shook my head. Victor scooted closer to me until our sides were pressed together. "What?"

"Maybe the universe was trying to p- push us together" I said quietly, too embarrassed to say it out loud.

"Why would you say that?" I turned my head towards his, though I still couldn't look him in the eyes.

"My friend Phichit was talking with me about us earlier... he said we were lucky" I started. "That we hadn't met before the plane because- because otherwise you wouldn't have... fallen in love with the stranger on   
the plane" I mumbled the last part, hoping he wouldn't hear it. I still didn't know why Phichit had suggested that he fell in love with me. We'd only just met.

"Hmm, Phichit is smarter than he looks" Victor remarked. My eyes widened in surprise. Victor gently tilted my chin up, so I could meet his eyes. "I think I might have fallen for you a bit today, Yuuri" he whispered. I was too stunned to say anything. "And I'm sorry I lied to you, although technically you lied to me too" he pointed out.

"I'm sorry" he slid his fingers over and cupped my cheek.

"We both made a mistake" he said. "And now that we've cleared it up..." he rested his forehead against mine. "We have time to do other things" he said suggestively. I gulped. All I could see were his eyes. They were sparkling with anticipation. Now that he knew who I was, I had no reason to object. I felt myself start to get lost in his eyes again, and he kissed me.

I think we were going to be late for practice in the morning.

~ ~ ~

I woke up the next morning to a pressure on my chest. I sleepily opened my eyes and saw Victor's face illuminated by the light from the window. Oh yeah. I almost forgot. I closed my eyes and started to roll over when it hit me.

Oh yeah.

I almost forgot what happened.

My heart stopped in my chest as the memories came flooding back. My eyes widened as I looked at the sleeping boy on my chest. Victor and I...  
Before I had another second to freak out or process what had happened, my phone started to ring. Victor groaned and rolled off me and onto the other side of the bed. I sat up and reached around for my glasses, and then my phone. It was Phichit. I already had several missed calls from him.

"YUURI" he screamed when I finally answered. I winced and glanced at Victor to see if it had woken him up. It had. He was sleepily glancing around the room. He smiled when he saw me, and then closed his eyes again. "Where are you!? I knocked on your door for like an hour! Why didn't you answer your phone? Didn't you hear me? The people in the room next to you almost called the hotel security on me I was so loud" I rubbed my eyes and squinted at the clock on the table next to the bed.

"Why?" I asked. "What time is it?" 10:30. I was late for practice. Very late. "Shit!" I jumped out of the bed and quickly climbed back in when I realized I was very much naked. I looked wildly around the room for my clothes. I couldn't find them in the mess of Victor's things.

"You're late, Yuuri" Phichit whispered through the phone. He was obviously not supposed to be on his phone at practice. "Were you sleeping this whole time?" Victor sat up and yawned.

"Good morning" he said with a wide smile. My eyes scanned his bare chest. I bit my lip.

"Morning" I replied. I couldn't believe that I had sex with him. I don't know how it happened. One minute I was getting ready to walk out the door, and the next we were both on the bed again.

"Morning?" Phichit said in a confused voice. "We don't have time for this! You need to get down here" I nodded, then realized that he couldn't see me.

"Uh, yeah I'll be down in a minute. I just need to find my clothes..." I glanced around the room again.

"I believe they're in the hot-tub" Victor said with a smirk. I looked out the glass door and saw that, they were in fact in the hot tub. I sighed.

"Great" I couldn't wear those, and I wasn't about to walk back to my hotel room naked. "Can I borrow some clothes?" I asked.

"Hmm, I think I have some that will fit you..." he got out of the bed and wandered around the room. I tried not to stare at him, but he was completely naked and fuck. He was unbelievably gorgeous.

"Borrow some... Yuuri who are you talking to? Where are you?" Phichit asked loudly. I could hear voices in the background. We were probably the only ones who weren't there. My coach was going to kick my ass when I showed up.

"Uh, I'll be down in a few minutes" I hung up on him before he had a chance to say anything else. Victor tossed a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt at me. "We're really late" I said to Victor after I hung up the phone. He smiled as he started to get dressed.

"I know" I watched him get dressed leisurely, as he had all the time in the world. I still couldn't believe that it happened. It was all kind of a blur. I hardly remembered anything, and yet every moment was so clear. The memory of Victor's body on mine was permanently burned into my skin. "You should probably get dressed... We're going to be in even more trouble if you keep watching me like that" he said with a flirtatious smile. "We might not make it to practice at all" I blushed and started to get out of the bed as Victor pulled his training jacket on. He stared at me expectantly. I started to fidget.

"Um, can you turn around?" I asked. Victor grinned.

"So shy all of a sudden" he teased. "I can't imagine why. You weren't shy at all last night" he winked. I stubbornly stayed in the bed until he started to walk towards the door. "I'll wait for you in the hall" he called over his shoulder. I quickly pulled on the boxers and sweatpants that he had given me. His sweatpants were too long for me, so I had to roll them up at the waistband. I smiled as I pulled the shirt over my head. It   
was too big, and showed off both my collarbones, but it smelled like him. Everything in here smelled like him. Even me. I found my shoes by the door, so I slipped them on and joined Victor in the hallway.

"Mmm, you look good in my clothes" he said as he slipped his arm around my waist. I smirked proudly and held my head higher. This felt good. I never had someone pay attention to me like this, and I never dreamed that it would be Victor. I was going to enjoy every minute of this. "But you look even better out of them" he whispered in my ear as he squeezed my ass. My eyes widened, and I smacked his arm.

"Victor!" I exclaimed. "There's people around" I glanced at the woman standing next to us, waiting for the elevator. He buried his face in my neck. I closed my eyes and struggled to keep my breathing even. "Victor" I said again in irritation. If he kept acting like this, we really were going to miss practice. I was secretly pleased. I was afraid that things would be weird when we woke up this morning, but Victor was the same as he was the day before. Completely shameless.

As we stepped into the elevator I felt my pocket buzz. I pulled it out and saw that I had several messages from Phichit.

_Phichit_ YUURI KATSUKI  
_Phichit_ WHERE ARE YOU  
_Phichit_ Your coach is pissed  
_Phichit_ But not as pissed as Victors  
_Phichit_ Wait  
_Phichit_ Victor's not here either...  
_Phichit_ !???!?!?!?  
_Phichit_ ARE YOU WITH HIM  
_Phichit_ IS THAT WHY YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR

Victor still had his arms around me, so he leaned over and read the texts over my shoulder. I could feel him laughing silently.

"Hm, it seems he figured it out..." he mused. I shrugged.

"Guess so" A small part of me was worried about what people were going to think when they saw us walk into together, but a bigger part wanted them all to know that he was mine now. Or, at least I thought he was mine. I hoped he was mine. We didn't exactly get around to talking about it last night. Victor started to press kisses to the side of my neck as we stood in the elevator. I painfully aware of the woman who was trying hard not to stare at us. "Victor" I whispered. "You need to stop" he ignored me and continued to kiss my neck. If he wasn't careful I was going to get a hickey. If he wasn't going to stop, I was going to make him wish he had.

"Yuuri" he said breathily. The elevator stopped on another floor and the woman quickly got off. I'm sure she decided it would be better to take the stairs. I waited until the door was closed again before I slowly started to push Victor backwards until he was pinned against the wall. My back was against his chest as his hands slowly made their way under my shirt. I pushed myself closer to him and shifted my weight from one foot to the other. It took Victor a minute to realize what I was doing. He gasped softly and finally stopped kissing my neck. "Yuuri... what are you doing?" I smirked. I continued to move back and forth against him. His face reddened. "Y- you need to stop" he gulped. I tilted my head to the side, so my mouth was against his ear.

"Make me" I breathed. His eyes fluttered. He gripped my hips so hard that I couldn't move. He whispered something in Russian and threw his head back against the wall.

"You're playing a dangerous game, Katsuki" he murmured. I smiled innocently.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Before Victor had a chance to say anything else, the elevator finally reached the lobby. I untangled myself from his grip and stepped out, not waiting for him to regain his   
composure. After a minute he jogged to catch up with me as I was leaving the hotel. The rink was just across the street, so we didn't have far to walk.

"You're mean" he huffed. I kept my face blank and stared straight ahead. We crossed the street and I reached for the door to the rink, but Victor stopped me. "Wait, I want to say something first" he started fidgeting. Wait, was Victor nervous? "I wanted to ask you about... last night" he said. I frowned.

"What about it?"

"Well, I just don't want you to get the wrong idea about it. And I don’t know how much time we’re going to have to talk once the Grand Prix starts" he said. I felt my heart sink. Here it was. He was about to tell me that it didn't really mean anything. That it was just a one-time thing. I knew it was coming soon, but I'd hoped he'd wait a little longer. I was having fun for once. And it was nice to have my mind off the Final. Normally right now I'd be a mess of nerves, but Victor was a nice distraction. Not that he was just a distraction. He was so much more than that.

"Of course," I nodded curtly, trying to keep the disappointment off my face. "I get it, it was just a one-time thing" I tried to move past him, but he stepped in front of me again. I looked past him and saw everyone sitting around taking a break. No one noticed us yet.

"What? No! That's not what I meant" he looked hurt. "I meant I don't want this to be a one-time thing!" I froze. "I really like you Yuuri, I haven't felt this way about some in... well ever. You're different" the corner of his lips were turned down. He wasn't really frowning, but he wasn't smiling either. He looked worried. "Did you think that this was just a one-night stand?" he asked. "Do you really think I would just use you and then throw you away? That I'd actually do something like that?" I felt guilt creep into me. I guess I shouldn't have just assumed that's what he was going to do, but I thought that was what Victor did. He was the world’s most eligible bachelor. He didn't have relationships. Did he?

"I- I don't know" I said quietly. "I'm sorry" I couldn't look him in the eyes. I stared at my feet, all the confidence I had earlier was gone just as sudden as it had come.

"I don't want you to just be a one-night stand" he repeated.

"Really?" I asked in a small voice. Now that the doubts were there, the only way I could get them to go away was hear the words from him. I needed to hear him say that he wanted more, that this was more than just sex.

"Yes," I relaxed at his words. That's all I wanted to hear. "I want to keep seeing you, even after the Grand Prix is over" he said. “If you want to, of course.” I smiled.

"I want that too" Victor beamed.

"Good!" I went to open the door, but he stopped me yet again. I held back a groan. Now what? "I hope you know that I would never take advantage of you" he continued. "I don't know what I did that led you to believe that I didn't want to keep seeing you but I-" God. Sometimes he talked too much. I put my finger to his lips.

"I get it" I said. "Now shut up and kiss me before we can go to practice. We're already going to be in a lot of trouble for being this late" he was at a loss for words. I don't think he was used to being interrupted. I grabbed his face in both my hands and stood on my tiptoes, so I could kiss him myself. He stumbled back as he wrapped his arms around me and we slammed into the door. Well, if they hadn't notice us before they had now. When we broke apart Victor was out of breath. I ran my finger down his chest and hooked a finger in the waistband of his sweatpants. "Maybe after practice we can do something about your... problem" I whispered in his ear before stepping around him and walking through the door.

"R- right" he mumbled. His face was bright red. I have no idea where this confidence was coming from, but if Victor was going to be shameless, then so was I. I was only a few steps into the building when I stopped. Everyone was staring at me.

"What?" I said loudly. Phichit looked like he was going to burst if he didn't say anything, and Chris had a smug look on his face.

"Victor, I see you finally woke up" he said suggestively. "You must've had quite the night to be this late. Did you have fun?" Victor, who was now standing next to me, still looked a little dazed. I felt proud of that fact that I had done that to him. I dazed Victor Nikiforov.

"More fun than you" I answered for him confidently. Victor blushed. He actually blushed. It was the cutest thing I'd ever seen.

"Oh, lucky boy" Chris said, and then he walked off. I raised my eyebrows at the other competitors, daring them to say anything. They quickly averted their eyes and went back to their conversations. Phichit was staring at me with his mouth open. My confidence waned.

"Um, hi" I said. I glanced around and saw my coach across the rink, angrily talking to someone who I assumed was probably Victor's coach. 

"Y- you and-" he stuttered. I glanced at Victor, who smiled at me.

"Yeah" I nodded. He blinked and then closed his mouth. He didn't even know what to say.

"Oh" he took a deep breath and then blew it out. "Okay" I frowned.

"That's it? Just... okay? You don't have anything else to say?" I asked in disbelief. Phichit had never not had something to say.

"Oh, I have plenty to say" he stressed. "But your coaches are on their way over here, so I'll tell you later" he quickly dashed off, but not before grabbing Victor’s arm and saying, ‘You hurt him, I hurt you. Got it?’   
Victor barely had time to acknowledge him before our coaches stormed up to us. 

"Victor!" his coach growled. He began yelling at Victor in Russian, but Victor just smiled and replied calmly. That seemed to piss off his coach even more. He grabbed Victor's arm and pulled him off to the other side of the rink. Victor glanced back at me helplessly. I peered nervously at my coach who was standing in front of me with his hand covering my face. He sighed before finally spoke up.

"You've never been late before, Yuuri" he said. I rocked back on my heels and nodded.

"I know" he started to say something, and then stopped when he noticed my clothes.

"Those aren't your training clothes?" he said in confusion. I looked down at my baggy clothes.

"I, ah, didn't have time to find mine" I said in embarrassment. "These are Victor's" my coach turned away from me and muttered something under his breath. I waited until he was done.

"Just, get over there and put your skates on" he barked. I obeyed. He didn't start yelling at me until I stared tying my skates. I glanced up at Victor, who was standing at the edge of the other side of the rink. Our eyes connected as our coaches started chewing us out. The corner of my mouth lifted into a smile, and he smiled back.

I thought skating on the same ice as Victor was going to be fun, but it was nothing compared to what we were going to do when we got off the ice.


	2. The Fear of Falling Apart (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Grand Prix Final is over, and several months had passed. Victor remained in first place, and Yuuri ended in last. After finishing school, Yuuri immediately moved. While dealing with depression and a sudden loss of purpose in the world, he quits skating and moves home, cutting ties with everyone except his family and Victor. After hearing how he was doing from his sister, Victor invites Yuuri to come stay with him in St. Petersburg in Russia, and continuously tries to help him sort everything out while trying to convince him to come back to the ice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I. Am. So. Sorry. I was supposed to post this in January of 2017, but obviously that did not happen. I just had no motivation to write anything last year. ALSO! Because it is taking me so long to write part 2 I've decide to split it up into 2 parts so you can half of it now since you've had to wait so long. Again, I can't apologize enough for how long this took.  
> SO! Here it is part two (now out of 3) of The Fear of Flying! I sincerely hope that you all like it because it took me so. Long. To write. And I apologize for the pacing, I tried to fix it up as much as I could when I edited it, but I’ve never been the best at pacing things well.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Briefly implied eating disorder, anxiety

The crowd was cheering all around me. I skated to the middle of the ice, peering us so I could see Victor cheering me from the edge of the rink. My heart was pounding like a drum in my chest. Buh-bum. Buh-bum. Buh-bum. I could hardly breath. Everything seemed too loud, yet I could hardly hear it. I paused for a moment, and waited for my music to start. Buh-bum. Buh-bum. Buh-bum. My vision was blurred. Everything felt wrong. I felt like I was going to pass out. I lowered my head when I heard the music and started to skate. Everyone around me fell silent. I was too scared to look around. I skated as hard as I could. I put my heart and soul into every jump, every spin. It wasn't perfect, but it was all I had. I was completely out of breath when I was finished. As the music ended, I looked up and realized that no one was there. The stands were empty, there wasn't a single person in the building. I spun around trying to find Victor, he had to still be here. He wouldn't just leave me here alone, would he? Even at my absolute best, I wasn't good enough.

"Yuuri?" I heard a voice say in the distance. The voice echoed off the walls around me. I spun around, trying to find it.

"Victor?" my voice broke as I called out for him. The room suddenly went dark. I couldn't see anything. "Victor!?"

"Yuuri!" the voice said again. I couldn't find him. I couldn't see anything. Even he didn't think I was good enough.

"Yuuri!" I jolted awake at the sound of a voice outside my door. I groaned. Someone was pounding on my door. Instead of getting up I pulled my blankets over my head and buried my face in my pillow. I didn't have the energy to get out of bed. I just wanted to stay here forever. If I stayed in my room I wouldn't have to face reality. I wouldn't have to think about my future.

My sister had other plans.

After realizing that I wasn't getting up, she tore through my room like a tornado. She ripped the blankets off me and started throwing clothes at me from my dresser. "I'm not letting you wallow in self-pity for one more minute" she said. "You're getting up and doing something. I don't care what it is. Take a bath. Go for a walk. Have lunch with someone. Or... or you could go practice-" I sat up and grabbed the clothes that she had thrown at me.

"I'll do whatever I want" I said sharply. She crossed her arms and glared at me. I sighed tiredly and rubbed my eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you" I apologized. Mari watched me with thinly veiled sadness in her eyes. I couldn't stand it. Everyone looked at me like that these days. They tried to pretend everything was normal, but they all treated me differently. I couldn't even convince them that I was fine, because if I was being totally honest, I wasn't.

"I worry about you, Yuuri" she said. I grabbed my phone and walked out the door.

"You don't need to" I called over my shoulder.

"If I don't, then who will?" I ignored her words and headed down to the hot springs. She was right, I did need to do something. I'd hardly left my room for weeks. I hadn't left the house since I'd gotten back a few months ago. I didn't want to be around people. I just wanted to be alone.

I discarded my clothes on the chair next to the hot springs and slowly sunk in. There was no one here today, we rarely had people visit these days. No one wanted to use hot springs, but I couldn't understand why. There was something about them that was just so relaxing. I started to feel a little better as I sat there. After a few minutes I got out and sat on the edge with my towel. I heard my phone ring again, and this time I finally looked at it. I had several missed calls and texts from friends. I hadn't talked to anyone since I moved back home. I didn't have the energy to answer their questions. I hoped they would eventually get tired and give up trying, and for the most part they had. Everyone except Phichit. He still called every day, though I answered him enough to reassure him that I was alive. The only person I answered was Victor.

_Vicchan_ How are you today?

He asked me this every day, and every day I gave about the same answer.

_Yuuri_ im okay

He always texted back instantly, and didn't mind when I didn't reply for a few hours.

_Vicchan_ That's good.

_Yuuri_ my family is driving me crazy though

_Vicchan_ I wish I could be there to make it better <3

_Yuuri_ hows your day?

_Vicchan_ It would be better if you were here :)

_Vicchan_ I'm having trouble deciding what song to use for my program. Not very inspired this season.

_Yuuri_ why not?

_Vicchan_ Seems weird competing without you...

I sighed. He just couldn't leave it alone. He brought it up every few days, trying to get me to reconsider my decision.

_Yuuri_ we technically only competed together once and you always did fine before so i dont see why it would be a problem

_Vicchan_ You know what I mean, Yuuri...

_Vicchan_ Won't you at least consider coming back? You still have plenty of time to come up with a program and to practice.

_Yuuri_ i already told you i dont want to

_Yuuri_ not again

_Yuuri_ no matter what i do i always fail

The subject always came up with him, and I told him the same thing every time. Ever since I lost at the Grand Prix Final last year Victor had tried to convince me to try again. But I couldn't go through it again. I wouldn't go through it. I wasn't going to fail again. I was done.

_Vicchan_ That's not true. You're unbelievably talented. You just had a bad day, everyone has those.

_Yuuri_ a bad day?

_Yuuri_ victor i lost because im not mentally strong enough

_Yuuri_ my brain cant take the pressure and i self-destruct

_Yuuri_ i cant change that about me so im done

He couldn't understand. He didn't know what it was like to fail like this. To be so scared of losing that you make yourself fail. I couldn't make him see that it was better for me this way. To find something else to do before it was too late.

_Vicchan_ Yuuri...

_Yuuri_ can we talk about something else

_Yuuri_ please

_Vicchan_ Of course.

_Yuuri_ hows makkachin?

I started to get cold, so I gathered my things and carried them back to my room. After I was dressed I sat down at my desk and went back to texting Victor.

_Vicchan_ He's good! He misses you though.

_Vicchan_ I miss you too...

After I had lost the Grand Prix Final Victor I didn't want to come home and face my family alone, so Victor offered to come back with me. He brought Makkachin along and they both stayed for a few days before he had to go back to practice for his next competition. I hadn't seen him since then. I missed him every day, but he was so busy skating the past few months that we hadn't had time to see each other.

"Yuuri?" I turned around and saw my mother standing in the doorway with a tray of food. "Are you hungry?" she asked with a smile. I turned back to my phone.

"Ah, I'm okay. Thank you" she sighed, and I heard her walk up behind me.

"You need to eat, Sweetheart" she said. "You don't eat enough, this isn't healthy" I hunched my shoulders self-consciously. I had always gained weight easily, especially when I didn't train every day, so when I quit skating I had to stop eating so much food because I was afraid I'd gain too much weight. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I had to do it until I started to feel like myself again and I could go back to working out. "Why don't you go down and visit Yuko and the girls? They miss you, you know" she set the tray of food on the desk next to me. I glanced at the food and then back down at my phone.

"Maybe tomorrow" I mumbled. "I don't feel like it today" I hadn't felt like it in weeks, and the chances that I would want to go tomorrow were very small. My mom put her hand on my shoulder.

"Just, please try to eat something. For me?" I felt the guilt settle back in my stomach. Everything I did hurt the people around me. I don't know why I came home, obviously I was burden to my family. I should've just stayed in Detroit and got a job. I hated having to rely on other people, but I didn't have anywhere else to go.

"I'll try" I said up to her. She smiled at me and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you" I waited until she left and then pushed the tray further away from me. The smell of food made me sick. My phone buzzed again, and I checked to see who it was. Phichit again. I sighed wearily and debated whether I should answer it. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but I also didn't want him to worry about me. I hadn't seen him since right before the Grand Prix. My stomach lurched at the thought. I tried to think about that day as little as possible. Thinking about it only made me feel worse. I just wanted to forget that the day had ever happened. I wanted to go back to the day before when I had just met Victor, and everything was fine.

My phone stopped ringing. I hadn't answered him. I dropped my head onto the desk with a sigh. I didn't know what to do. I felt completely hopeless all the time and everything I did seemed pointless. My days ran together and the only thing I could look forward to every day was my conversations with Victor. But sometimes even those weren't enough to make me feel better. I contemplated just going back to bed when my phone started to ring again. I wanted to throw it at the wall. Why wouldn't people leave me alone?

"Hello?" I answered it without bothering to see who it was. I was just going to tell them to stop calling me. "What do you want?" I asked in exasperation.

"Yuuri?" It was Victor. I closed my eyes and rested my head back on the desk.

"Oh, Victor" I said. "I'm sorry. I thought it was someone else" I could hear a car running through the phone. He was probably on his way to practice. It was still morning there.

"Who did you think it was?" he asked, sounding amused.

"I don't know. People won't stop calling me, it's getting annoying"

"I'm sorry. Would you like me to hang up?" Victor asked. I sat up.

"No!" I protested. "I didn't mean you. I meant... like everyone else" Victor laughed quietly.

"So, I'm just special then?" he asked. I smiled and leaned on my elbows.

"Of course, you are" I said softly. Victor hummed happily. "You'll always be special"

"I miss you" Victor said. I could hear the longing in his voice. I missed him too. More than I thought possible. "I wish I could see you" he said. "Stupid practice" he moaned. "Maybe I should just skip for the day"

"What would you do if you skipped?" I asked. He was silent for a moment.

"Good point" he laughed. "I'd probably just sit at home and annoy you over the phone all day" I smiled softly.

"I don't think that would be so bad, actually" I leaned back in my chair. "I miss being able to talk to you all day" I admitted. "But then you might decide that it's more fun to skip practice, and that wouldn't be good"

"Why not?"

"Because even you, Victor Nikiforov, need to train. Even skating legends have to practice" Victor laughed.

"Skating legend?"

"I mean, I wouldn't call you that" I said exaggeratedly. "But some people do" Victor laughed harder.

"Do people really say that?"

"Of course. It says so right here in this magazine with your face on it" I grabbed one of the magazines off the stack that I had lying next to my computer. I bought them all just for the pictures of Victor, but I would never admit that. "Is skating legend Victor Nikiforov retiring soon?" I read off the cover. "The real answer, and more inside"

"Hmm, I don't remember ever commenting on whether or not I was retiring soon or not" he said. "So, I'm sure whatever it says is made up" I started to flip through the pages.

"Most of them are made up I think" There were a few pictures of other skaters in the magazine as well. I quickly flipped past the full-page picture of Chris. I wasn't sure how they were allowed to print those kinds of pictures of him. "It says that, god willing, you're not planning to retire any time soon" I said when I finally found the page.

"See? Completely made up. I never said that" I hummed to myself as I scanned the rest of the page. I heard a door slam through the phone, and then some voices. "Hey, Yuuri..." Victor said.

"They even claim that you're planning to get another dog. Something about being so lonely that you had to buy another dog to fill the void" I laughed. "How stupid is that? They're totally just making this up"

"Yuuri..." I sighed. I knew he had to get off the phone now, but I wanted to stay on with him forever.

"I don't want to say goodbye yet" I said meekly. Victor whispered something to himself in Russian.

"We have to hang up eventually" he said. I closed the magazine and hugged it to my chest. If I could, I would talk to him forever. It always made me feel better. Talking to him made me forget how horrible I felt, even if it was just for a moment. "Besides, I have a surprise for you after you hang up" I frowned in confusion.

"What kind of a surprise?" I asked. Victor didn't answer that.

"Mari called me and told me that you haven't left the house since I left." he said, asking a silent question.

"I'm fine, Victor" I said. "I just... don't feel like going anywhere. I don't have anywhere to go anyway" Someone said something to Victor and I heard him answer but it was muffled. He must've covered the phone. "Are you at practice?"

"No" he said without explaining. I frowned and glanced at my clock.

"Aren't you going to be late?" Victor laughed softly.

"Believe me, I'm going to be very late" I didn't know what he meant. Not until I heard something scratching on my door. For a brief second, I thought it was Vicchan, but then I realized that it couldn't be.

"What-" I got out of my chair and pulled my door open. I was immediately knocked over by something. I gasped and then laughed happily. "Makkachin!" I put my hands up to shield my face from his tongue. He barked excitedly and bounced off me and jumped onto my bed. "What are you doing here?" I muttered as I pet his head. My eyes widened when I realized what this meant. I grabbed my phone which had fallen on the floor and saw that Victor was still on the line. "Where are you!?" I ran out of the room, looking around for Victor as I did.

"Hmm, I don't know what you're talking about" I grinned and kept searching for him.

"What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" I stuck my head into one of the rooms and found that it was empty.

"I wanted it to be a surprise" I could tell he was smiling. I missed him so much. When I found him, I was going to hug him and never let him go.

"Victor, tell me where you are" I demanded. I was by the front door and I still didn't see him. I was starting to get frustrated.

"But I like hearing you struggle" he joked. I stopped moving.

"I think you'll like it much better when I find you" I said in a hushed voice. Victor was silent for a second.

"...Back room" I smirked and started jogging towards the back room.

"Good boy" I whispered. Victor gulped. I hung up the phone before hearing his reaction. I ran to the back room and pushed the door open. I stopped in my tracks. He was here. His face lit up when he saw me. Without another thought I barreled towards him. He laughed in surprise. We collided so hard that we fell over. I was half lying on top of him. I couldn't stand not kissing him for another minute, so I moved myself forward and connected our mouths. Victor gasped in surprise before kissing me back just as hard. Victor attempted to prop himself up a little, and allowed me to wrap my arms tightly around him. I couldn't believe he was here. What was he doing here?

"Uh," someone coughed loudly behind us. I froze and slowly peered behind me. My entire family was standing in the doorway, looking very embarrassed. I felt myself starting to get embarrassed as well. I slowly started to untangle myself from Victor, and then grabbed his hand to pull him up.

"D- did, ah, did you know he was coming?" I asked, facing them, but not daring to look them in the eyes. Victor wrapped his arms me from behind. I leaned back into him. Being close to him felt so normal.

"Of course, we did" Mari said, being the first one to get over the shock of seeing me making out with Victor on the floor. My cheeks burned as I thought about it. "I'm actually the one who asked him to come" she added. I frowned and tilted my head back to look at Victor.

"Not that I don't want you here, but why did you come?" I asked. Victor smiled and tightened his grip on me.

"Because you were lying to me, Yuuri" he said.

"W- what!?" I said in disbelief. "What did I lie to you about?" Victor turned me around in his arms, so I was facing him. I put my hands on his chest. I wanted to feel him, to make sure he was actually here, and that this wasn't just the beginning of a bad dream.

"You told me you were doing okay" he said quietly. "Your mom said you haven't been eating?" I looked away, ashamed. "And that you hardly leave your room. When was the last time you went outside?" I clenched my jaw and didn't answer. They didn't understand. I didn't want to be like this, did they think that I just wanted to lay in bed all day and be miserable? I couldn't help it. "You have to take care of yourself, Yuuri" he cupped my cheek. He looked so sad. I hated myself for being the reason that he looked like that. I just wanted to make him happy. "It hurts to see you this way"

"I'm sorry" I mumbled. I heard footsteps as, I assumed, everyone else left the room. We were probably making them uncomfortable. My family wasn't the closest. We talked, but hardly ever about personal things. We just liked to keep to ourselves. "I don't mean to, but..." Victor started running his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes. "I don't know what to do" I rested my head against his chest and we stood there silently for a while. Just him holding me. I could feel Victor's heartbeat against my cheek.

"Yuuri, I just want you to know that I could stand here all day holding you if you want..." Victor said, interrupting the silence. "Or we could go somewhere more comfortable" I lifted my head and looked at him.

"Like where?" I asked. "Do you want to go up to my room?"

"Actually-" he trailed off and glanced behind me. "I was thinking maybe... St. Petersburg?" he said with a nervous smile. He didn't wait for me to respond. "Your sister already packed your bags for you, and I already have the plane tickets. We can leave in the morning" his smile faded a little. "Of course, if you don't want to go I'll understand. I probably should've asked you before I planned this whole thing... and I-" He wanted me to go stay with him?

"Vicchan, you know I don't like surprises" I said in dismay. He looked at me apologetically.

"I know, I know. But I can't stand being this far away from you. And if you come stay with me for a while I'll get to see you every day, and you'll get a chance to be alone for a bit while I'm practicing. I get the feeling that you don't get to be alone a lot here" I had flashbacks to Mari and my mother barging into my room every hour checking up on me.

"That's true..." I mumbled.

"And we'll get to talk more, and eat together. I can take you shopping on my days off! There are so many wonderful places to shop" I smiled at his enthusiasm. Victor did like his shopping. "Plus, I wouldn't have to worry about you anymore. I don't like not knowing if you're okay or not" he said in a lowered voice. I thought it all over for a few moments. It would be good to see him every day. And it was time away from my family. I loved them, but they had absolutely no idea what to do when I was like this.

"But... how long would I stay. If I did go" Victor perked up a little. He knew the fact that I was even considering it was good.

"You can stay as long as you like. You know I love being with you" he squeezed me as he said this. "And whenever you want to go home I can fly back with you" he promised. I nodded my head as I thought it over. "Well?" I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him on the lips.

"Yes" I said. Victor grinned.

"Yes?" I smiled.

"Yes!" He hugged me again. "Of course, I'll come stay you. If it means I get to see you every day" my heart started racing at the thought of us staying at his apartment together. I'd been curious about his place ever since we started seeing each other. I was a bit worried though, remembering what his hotel room looked like after only a few hours, I couldn't imagine what his apartment looked like...

But I was too excited to care about that small fact. We spent the rest of the day sitting in the hot springs, just catching up on all that had happened in the last few months. We ate dinner with my family and then quickly headed to my room. Victor had been in my room before, we'd both slept here when he visited after the Grand Prix Final. Right after it happened I didn't leave my bed for three days, and not for a good reason. Victor stayed with me most of the time, but he left to walk around and get some food. I kept telling him that we had only just started seeing each other, and that he could leave if he wanted, but he refused. He said he couldn't leave me like that. He finally left the next week when I went back to Detroit to finish my last few months of school. I'd been home ever since then.

"Your posters are gone" Victor commented as we laid in my bed. I laughed sheepishly.

"Ah, yes" I hadn't had time to hide them the last time he was here. He was surprisingly not as shocked to see that I was a huge fan of his as I thought he would be.

"Did you throw them out, now that you have the real thing?" he asked smugly.

"No" he frowned. "I just moved them. I knew if you came back and saw them here your ego would get to big to even fit in here" Victor scoffed.

"I am offended!" I smiled and hugged him closer to me.

"Good. You need to be taken down a peg every once in a while. You're too cocky for your own good. God knows what would happen if you didn't have me" Victor kissed my hair.

"I never want to find out."

~ ~ ~

The flight to Russia was relatively uneventful. I remembered to bring my anxiety medication this time, and slept on Victor's shoulder almost the entire time. When we got off the plane, the airport was crawling with people. They were rushing around everywhere. Victor had a driver waiting for us who he instructed to get our luggage, so all we had to do was walk to the car that was waiting for us outside. As we crossed the busy room someone who was in a hurry pushed me out of the way and for a minute I got lost in the sea of people. I frantically looked around for Victor. I spotted him after only a few seconds. He was just a few feet ahead of me. I weaved my way through the crowd and latched onto Victor's arm. He looked at me in surprise, not knowing that I had lost him for a moment.

"I- I don't want to get lost" I stuttered. Victor shifted the bag on his shoulder up and then moved my hand down to his and laced our fingers together. I bit back a smile. We walked hand in hand out of the airport and to a car that was waiting for us in front of the building. The driver, who had already put our bags in the trunk, opened the door for us. I climbed into the car after Victor and buckled up.

"My apartment isn't far from here" Victor said. "So, it should only take a few minutes to get there" I nodded. The driver got back in the car and pulled out of the parking lot. "So how have you been? Really?" he asked, turning towards me.

"I've been okay-" I started to say before Victor cut me off.

"Yuuri," Victor said gently. "Your parents aren't here. You don't have to lie to me" I shifted uncomfortably.

"Can we talk about it later?" I pleaded. I didn't want to get into a fight the minute I arrived. Victor sighed quietly and then smiled.

"Of course." For the rest of the drive, he pointed out the things outside my window and explained to me what they were.

A few minutes later we arrived at his apartment. Victor insisted that he carry my bags up, and eventually I gave in and let him. The first thing I noticed when I walked through the door was how clean it was. I remembered his hotel room after just a few hours, so I always imagined that his apartment was just as messy, if not worse.

Makkachin bounded up to me the moment the door closed behind us. I sunk to my knees to pet him. "Hello" I laughed as he licked my face. Victor smiled at us as he put my bags down next to the couch. After greeting us both, Makkachin settled down on his bed next to the couch. Victor wrung his hands together and smiled nervously. "What do you think?" he asked. Was he worried about what I thought? I tilted my head to the side and smiled.

"It's lovely" I said, "But..." Victor's smile waned.

"What? What is it?"

"Vicchan, do you... have a maid?" I asked hesitantly.

"Do I- what?" I cleared my throat.

"It's just- you're apartments really clean and I..." I trailed off, embarrassed for asking. "I remember your hotel room. It was... not clean" Victor chuckled and scratched the back of his neck.

"I do have a maid" he admitted. "I'll admit, I'm not very good at keeping my things picked up" I took my coat off and hung it on the odd coat rack by the door and kicked my shoes off. Suddenly we were alone, and I wasn't sure what we were supposed to do. I wanted to kiss him again. I knew I had already kissed him, but this was different. The last time was because I hadn't seen him in a long time. Now we were in his apartment.

"H- how have you been?" I asked. Victor had sat down on the couch, so I sat next to him, but far enough away that we weren't touching. Victor angled himself towards me, completely unfazed about the space between us.

"I've been good! Busy" he said. "I'm trying to come up with a new program, but like I said, I can't quite decide on the right music" he said. "Yakov is going out of his mind trying to get me to just pick one. I think he has his hands full this year with all of us. Yuri is in his angsty teen phase right now, so he's especially bitchy at the moment" I laughed at the thought. I'd never met the Russian Yuri before, but I'd seen him skate a few times and he was amazing. Victor was going to have a run for his money this year. "You should come with me to practice some day and meet everyone" he said. "Mila doesn't believe most of the stories that I tell her about you" he wiggled his eyebrows. I blushed and looked away. What kind of stories did he tell her?

"Maybe..." I knew that if Victor got me to the rink he was going to try and convince me to come back to skating. I had told him numerous times that I was done skating, but he continued to try and convince me.

"I know you said you didn't want to talk about it right now. I'm sorry" he apologized.

"It's okay"

"So" Victor clasped his hands together. Things were a little awkward, but that was to be expected. We hadn't seen each other in a while, and suddenly we were going to be staying together. "Are you hungry? I'm always hungry for take-out after a long flight" he reached over and picked up a stack of take-out menus off the coffee table. I didn't want to eat.

"Well-"

"We could get pizza, or Chinese, or- Oh we could go out instead if you're up to it. There's this amazing new restaurant that opened up around the corner." I wasn't hungry. I wanted to kiss him. If we would just look at me he would know, but he was waving the menus around like a madman.

"Victor-"

"Or I could cook something for us-"

"Victor I'm not hungry" I interrupted him, clearing my throat loudly and scooted myself towards him again. He finally looked at me and started to say something. I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively and he finally understood. His eyes widened, and the take-out menu fell out of his hands and onto the floor.

"Oh" was all he said. I licked my lips and leaned towards him.

"Will you kiss me?" I asked. He blinked and moved closer to me.

"If that was what you wanted, then why didn't you just say so?" he asked. I rolled my eyes. He was so oblivious sometimes. "I've been wanting to do this since the moment we stepped in the room" he said before kissing me so had that I fell back onto the couch. Victor kissed me again and again and again. I grabbed the back of his shirt with both hands. He stopped and hovered over me. I whined and tried to sit up, so I could reach his mouth. He laughed deeply. "You're so cute when you whine" he mumbled, pressing a kiss to my jaw. This was definitely one of the perks of staying with him.

The room was starting to fill with light and I was still lying awake. Victor was snoring away with his face pressed to my side. I absently ran my fingers through his hair as I watched the water drip off the windows. It had stopped raining a while ago and now the clouds were starting to dissipate. My mind was swirling with unwanted thoughts. Victor had fallen asleep hours ago, but I wasn't tired. Maybe it was the jetlag.

I kept Victor close to my chest. My fingers digging into his back. I was afraid he was going to disappear, that if I took my eyes off him he would be gone. I looked down to watch him sleep. His chest rose and fell with every breath he took. He was beautiful even when he slept. I pressed a kiss to the top of his head. He groaned softly and threw his arm across my stomach.

"What time is it?" he mumbled sleepily. His lips brushed my skin as he spoke.

"Too early" I replied. "Go back to sleep" he peeked his eyes opened and lifted his head to meet my eyes.

"Why are you awake?" he asked. I debated whether to tell him.

"I couldn't sleep" I said. He propped himself up on his elbow and faced me.

"Is it the bed? Is it not comfortable enough for you? I can buy us a new one. We can go shopping today. I'll call the driver and-"

"No!" I interrupted. "The bed is fine" I said. The bed was beyond fine. It was a king-sized bed and it was the most comfortable thing that I had ever laid on. The bed wasn't the problem. I was the problem. I just didn't know how to explain it to him.

"Then what is it?" I bunched the blanket up in my fists and looked out the window. "Yuuri," Victor put his hand on mine. "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong" he said. I gulped and looked down in shame. When I wasn't beating myself up for losing at the Grand Prix Final, I was worried about Victor. I was scared that this really was all just a dream.

"I'm afraid" I said. He looked up at me curiously.

"Afraid of what?"

"That you- you'll..." I lowered my voice. "That you'll disappear"

"Yuuri" Victor said sadly. "You know I'll never leave you." he sat up next to me. The blanket pooled around his waist.

"No, I know that" I said.

"I meant it when I said I'd never leave you. I want you here with me" he took my hand and put it over his heart. "My heart beats only for you" my shoulders slumped.

"I know that" I said in frustration. That wasn't what I was worried about. I knew Victor truly cared me, though I still wasn't sure why. I wasn't afraid that he'd leave me, I was afraid that he was going to disappear. That I was going to wake up one day and realized that none of this was real, that I had dreamt it. "I just- never mind" I pulled my hand away and grabbed my phone off the bedside table. "Do you have practice today?" I asked him.

"Yes" he sighed dramatically and dropped back on the bed, throwing his arm across his eyes as he did. "I can't afford to skip three days in a row. Yakov would have my head" He blindly reached for my hand, which I gave to him. "I would much rather stay here with you" I smirked.

"I don't know if you could handle me all day" I teased. He looked at me with a glint in his eye.

"Is that a challenge?" he asked. I laughed. Before I could even blink he had pinned me back on the bed and was kissing down my neck. I gently tugged on his hair, so my mouth was near his ear.

"It was a threat" Victor groaned and rolled off me.

"Yuuri, you're going to kill me one day" I traced my finger down his side.

"If you're lucky"

"You should come with me today" he said. "I can't bear to leave you"

"You would never get any work done" I said, turning back to my phone. Victor whined and then rolled off the bed. I watched him in amusement. I knew that this wasn't him asking me to come back to skating, it was him just being a drama queen who didn't want to practice. "I have to finish unpacking, anyway. And I should really call Phichit, I've been ignoring him for too long." Victor stayed silent from the floor. I could tell he was pouting. "Maybe I can make us something for dinner" I suggested. I rolled my eyes when he didn't answer and moved across the large bed to peer down at him.

"Humph" he grumbled. I swear sometimes he was worse than a toddler.

"How about I promise you that I'll go with you someday" I suggested. "I will go with you to practice at least one day while I'm here, just not today" Victor looked up at me, so we were face to face.

"Promise?"

"Promise" he smiled and tilted his head up, so he could kiss me. My heart thudded in my chest. The thoughts receded to the back of my mind as I kissed him. It was a nice relief, though I knew they'd be back.

Victor finally left about an hour later, after we took Makkachin out for a walk. He was going to be late for practice, but I had a feeling that happened more often than not. He seemed to be able to do pretty much what ever he wanted. I unpacked the few bags of things that Mari had gathered for me with my knowing. I made a mental note of the things that I was going to need to go out and buy, and then took a shower. I marveled at the size of Victor's bathroom, thought after seeing his bedroom I shouldn't have been surprised.

When I was done with all this, and had nothing else to distract myself with, I sat on the couch and dialed Phichit's number. It only ran once before he answered.

"YUURI ARE YOU ALRIGHT? WHAT HAPPENED ARE YOU OKAY? DO YOU NEED ME TO FLY THERE I CAN BE THERE IN A COUPLE OF HOURS" I winced and held the phone away from my ear.

"I'm okay, Phichit. Calm down." He screamed for a few more minutes while I tried to reassure him that I was in fact alive.

"What the hell, Yuuri!" I looked down shamefully. "I've called you every day for the last four months, I didn't know if you were okay. I wasn't even sure if you were alive for a while! I finally had to make Chris give me Victor's number to find out how you were doing. Even he wasn't sure. I tried calling Mari, but that girl is like a steel trap. She wouldn't tell me anything!" he paused for a breath. "You can't just disappear on me like that. You have no idea how worried I was about you! I'm your best friend, I deserve to be treated better than this. You can't just ignore me" I really did feel terrible about it. I thought about answering him every day, but I knew that he was going to ask me questions that I wasn't ready to answer.

"Phichit, I'm so sorry" My voice was thick. I sounded like I was about to cry, I felt like it too. Makkachin nudged my hand with his head. I began to idly pet him. "I didn't mean to ignore you for so long. I just- Well one day turned in to two, and then it was a week and then... I don't know I lost track of time and I felt stuck." I picked up the menus that Victor had dropped the night before, and restacked them on the coffee table. "I've been really bad, Phichit. Like level nine depression" I said in a quiet voice. Phichit gasped.

"Are we talking like, equal to the time that your boyfriend dumped you on the day that you failed your midterm because you were too busy practicing for that competition, and then you failed the competition because you were sad that your boyfriend dumped you"

"Yeah"

"Oh fuck" he breathed. That day had previously been the worst day of my entire life. It wasn't any more. "Yuuri, you should've called me. I could've helped you. I can still help you. Do you want me to come and stay with you for a while? I seem to remember that six tubs of ice cream made the situation more manageable." I rubbed my neck.

"If you had asked me two days ago I would've said yes..."

"Come on, it'll be just like in college. We can lock ourselves in your room and watch that terrible movie that we only watch for the guy with the abs. I can bring enough junk food to put us in a food coma." Phichit suggested. My stomach growled at the mention of food. I hadn't eaten yet today.

"That sounds amazing" I said. "But..."

"But what?"

"I'm... ah, not at home"

"Where are you then?" I bit my lip and curled my legs up on the couch.

"I... might be in Russia" The phone was quiet for a moment.

"Why are you in-" Phichit suddenly realized what that meant. "YOU WHAT. DID SEX GOD ASK YOU TO MOVE IN WITH HIM!?"

"He didn't ask me to move in. And stop calling him Sex God!"

"I will call him that until you tell me that he is not a sex god" I was silent. "Exactly my point." I sighed.

"He didn't ask me to move in. He just said that I could stay here for a while because he missed me. I missed him too"

"You two are so gross and in love. It's disgusting. I want that." I grinned and bit my finger.

"What about that girl you were seeing?" I asked.

"She dumped me"

"What? When did that happen?"

"Two months ago." It happened, and he didn't even tell me.

"Oh. I'm sorry" I could hear Phichit moving over the phone. "I shouldn't have shut you out. I thought- I don't know. I knew when I talked to you, you would try and make me feel better. I guess I just wanted to—"

"—Wallow in self-pity?" I laughed softly.

"Yeah, I guess" I tugged on a loose thread on the couch.

"I wanted to... try and work through it on my own. I figured I can't call you every time I start to slip, I need to learn how to take care of myself."

"Just remember, I'll always be there for you. If your sex god isn't helping you, call me. I'll fly out there day or night" I smiled.

"Thanks Mom" Phichit made a noise of protest.

"Oh, fuck you" I laughed.

After Phichit and I end our conversation, I decided to get something to eat. It wasn't much, but at that point it was almost dinner time. I sent Victor a text asking what time he was going to be home.

_Vicchan_ I'll try to be home by six  
_Yuuri_ do you want me to make dinner  
_Vicchan_ If you want to, that would be wonderful <3  
_Vicchan_ I don't know what all I have there, but anything you want to make is fine :)

I read over his texts and then moved into the kitchen area to see what Victor had. The fridge was almost entirely empty. I got the feeling that Victor ate out a lot. After searching the freezer and the rest of the cabinets I decided spaghetti. It was easy to make, and was pretty much the only thing he had all the ingredients for. It took several more minutes for me to get everything started.

When everything was done, I left them on the stove to keep warm and then moved back to the couch to wait for Victor. This was the first time that I had a moment alone where I wasn't busy. I checked the time, and saw that it was already 6:00. Victor was supposed to be back any minute.

As I sat there, my mind began to wander. This was the first that I was alone since the Grand Prix Final. When it was over, I was with Victor, at school surrounded by people, and finally back at home with my family. Though I was alone most of the time at school and at home, it was only a few moments before someone would come to check on me, or I had something to occupy my time. I tried my best not to think about it, but the memories began to creep in. Before I even knew what was happening, I began to cry.

Tears slid down my face and dripped off onto my hands. I didn't even try to wipe them off. The thoughts crept back into my mind and paralyzed me. I didn't know what to do. Everything that I had worked toward my entire life was over. I failed. I spent every spare moment of my time learning and training for that exact moment, and when the time finally came, I panicked. I messed up practically every jump and fell more than once. The crowd probably wondered how an amateur managed to get into the Gran Prix. It must've been a mistake, me getting there. It was clear that I wasn't good enough to be with other skaters with that level of talent.

I just wasn't good enough, and I never would be.

"Yuuri!" I heard Victor's cheery voice from the hallway. "I'm home! I'm sorry I'm late, practice ran a little lo-" he froze when he saw me on the couch. I lowered my head in shame. More tears fell from my eyes. "Yuuri-!" he threw whatever was in his hands onto the floor and sunk to his knees in front of me. "Love, what's wrong? Did something happen?" he gently put his hand on my knee.

I tried to answer him, but all that came out was weird whimpering noises. I hated that he was seeing me like this, but it wasn't like there was somewhere for me to go. I couldn't hide in my room away from people anymore, because now it was our room. I wasn't alone anymore. Victor was going to see all of me, the good parts and the bad.

"You were fine when I left, did something happen?" he asked. I shook my head. There was no specific thing that caused this, it just happened. Even I wasn't sure why. It was like the memories and doubts were suddenly shoved to the front of my brain, forcing me to think about them, and I didn't know how to handle it. It was terrifying. "I can't help you if you won't tell me what's wrong. Do you not want to be here?" he asked sadly. I didn't know how to explain it to him.

"Th- that's not it!" I choked out.

"Are you afraid that I'm going to disappear again?" Victor asked softly. "Like this morning? Yuuri what can I do to make you understand that I'm never going to leave you" I closed my eyes. Why didn't he understand? "I care about you so much-"

"I know that!" I snapped. "That- That's not the problem right now" I choked back a sob. Victor leaned back in surprise. "All I've ever wanted to do in life was become as good of a figure skater as you. I trained... my entire life to get there. And when I finally got a chance to prove myself..." I wiped my nose on my sleeve. "I fucked up. I didn't just lose because everyone else was better and more talented than me, I completely failed. I messed up every jump, missed every cue." Victor's face was unreadable at this point. I had no idea what he was thinking as I wailed in front of him. "It's not that I don't have the strength and motivation to get to where you're at, I don't have the talent. I'm not good enough. In the face of pressure, I fall apart. Every time. I have tried, again and again to further my career, only to be sabotaged by myself. Do you know how awful that is? To not be able to blame anyone but yourself?"

"Yuuri..." My face went blank as Victor reached up and grabbed my hands. I spoke too much. He probably thought I was pathetic for thinking that way. But I did feel a bit better, just being able to say it out loud to someone. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea you felt like that. Is that why you quit skating?" I nodded. He looked down as he tried to think of something else to say to me.

"I don't- I don't know what I'm supposed to do now" I whispered. "Skating has been my entire life up until now. I don't know how to do anything else. I've never had a real job, what am I supposed to do?" Victor studied my face for a moment.

"You could be my trophy husband" he said after hesitating. He probably wasn't sure if it was okay to joke about it. I snorted and weakly punched him in the arm, the last remaining tears falling down my cheeks as I did.

"Shut up, I'm serious!" I smiled despite myself.

"I know" Victor said. He moved to sit next to me on the couch, still holding my hands. "If you want to get a job, I can help you find one around here. And if you decide you want to go back to skating—" I started to protest. "—If! You decide to back to skating, I will support you. It doesn't have to be now, take your time. I will always be here for you, no matter what you decide." He slid his hand down the side of my face. I leaned forward and felt his arms circle around me.

"Thank you" my words were muffled through his shirt. We sat like that until the smoke alarm started going off. With the dinner now ruined, Victor ordered up take-out which we ate in bed.

I woke up the next morning in Victor's arms. Today it was Victor who woke up first, instead of me.

"How are you feeling?" he asked when he saw me looking at him. I tightened my grip around his waist.

"Alright" I mumbled. "Better than yesterday"

"Good" he responded. "I'm glad" he began running his fingers through my hair. It felt nice. I felt safe in his arms.

"Victor" I said quietly.

"Hmm?"

"I- I'm sorry for yesterday, but..." I traced my fingers against his skin as I thought about what to say.

"What is it?" I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his hand in my hair.

"I don't want to... I want you to understand something" I said. Victor's hand stalled. "What happened yesterday, it's probably going to happen again" I explained. "It's not something I can control very well. It just... happens. Those thoughts get trapped in my brain and I get irrational. I might say things, and I just want you to know that I don't mean them. I might try to push you away but if you give me time—"

"Yuuri" Victor said softly. "I would never leave you" I wanted to believe that, that he would never leave me. But there was a voice in the back of my head that never stopped. It never believed for one second that Victor could ever truly have feelings for me. "Yuuri, look at me" I tilted my head up, so I could see his face. "You cannot scare me off, I'm not going anywhere. I will be with you forever, by your side. I am going to help you through this, and through whatever else comes our way in the future. Nothing you say or do will ever make me change my mind. If you let me, I want to be by your side forever" I stared at Victor in wonderment.

"Victor" I laughed weakly. "Y- You know, that kind of sounded like a proposal" I teased. Victor's eyes widened.

"Wha- that's... I- I haven't even told you that I love you yet" he stuttered. Now it was my turn to blush.

"Y- You- You love—" We both began stuttering and blushing, trying to say something coherent. Finally, Victor covered my mouth and spoke.

"I love you" Victor said confidently. He uncovered my mouth and took my face in both his hands. "I will love you until my very end, and that is not a proposal. It's a promise"

"Really?" I asked breathlessly. He smiled and then brushed his lips against mine.

"Of course, Love" We kissed again and then I settled back against his side.

"I love you too" I breathed. I had known it for a while now, I just never thought it was the right time to say it. It felt like it was too soon, not that I had any experience with this. We hadn't been dating for that long, and already he was the most important person in my life, and my best friend. I loved him more than words could describe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAIN there will be another part to this, taking place the day after this but I haven't finished it yet. I swear that I won't take a year to finish this one ;;;


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